It is the year 2022 and women can truly have it all — a flourishing career, entrepreneurship, marriage, kids, community involvement, and relationships. But all too often, having it all leaves us with no time or energy left for ourselves!
There is a tremendous amount of societal pressure that is thrown on women’s shoulders to be perfect parents, daughters, mothers, wives, and professionals. All of these roles combined force many of us to take inadequate care of ourselves. This is what sustains us and gives us the energy to take care of all these other responsibilities that we have.
Whether you are wrangling toddlers, sleeplessly awaiting your teen’s return home, rushing to the track meet, caring for your spouse, or all of the above — every woman needs an occasional break for the sake of her sanity! This means taking time each day to do something for yourself. But how can we make it happen?
Make Yourself a Priority
First, realize how important it is. At Total Health and Wellness I have been discussing this with women for many years. We seem to have trouble feeling like we’re worthy of being put on our own list of priorities.
If you can’t do it because you feel like you deserve it, look at it this way: You are a first responder. An emergency can come up at any time, and you should be as well rested and restored as you’d want your ER doctor or EMT to be, and besides, taking care of yourself will make you a better parent and partner. You’ll be more fun to be around and more responsive to your family.
Okay, great, you’re convinced! It’s time to take time for you. Now, when can you fit it in? Don’t wait for the “perfect” time to magically appear. It won’t.
Schedule Your ‘Me’ Time
Make your “me time” as important as the pediatrician’s visit, the conference call, and your meeting with the contractor. Treat it just like any other appointment. “You have to build in battery recharge time,” says Margaret Moore, co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School. “We’re very good at project management in our work lives, but not so well in our personal lives. Treat it like any project: I want to recharge my batteries so I don’t feel so frazzled and worn out.”
Try to find at least 30 minutes every day for you. It doesn’t have to be all at once. And before you decide what you’re going to do with the time you’re building into your schedule, promise yourself that you won’t waste it.
“We’re a multitasking society. If we’re having a conversation with a friend, we’re thinking about the other things we have to get done,” says Allison Cohen, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. “Instead, you need to be present in the moment. Whatever you’re doing for you, don’t be thinking about your grocery list or the PowerPoint presentation. There’s a lot of time in our day that we could be enjoying, but we lose it because we’re focused on what we have to do next.”
You don’t need a lot of time, either. Here are ideas for making the most of even 30 minutes of “me” time.
- Schedule a massage, or a facial
- Take a nice nap
- Schedule a class that you’ve always wanted to take just for fun
- Plan a long walk with a friend. Commit to it early in the week and honor the commitment. You’re not training for anything, you’re not trying to race-walk, you’re just taking a long stroll with a good friend and enjoying the day.
- Read one chapter of a book you’ve wanted to make time for. Keep a basket in your office or living room with a good book, magazine, crossword puzzle, or other short escapes.
- Putter. This doesn’t mean cleaning the house or organizing your kids’ clothes. Instead, it means doing little things at home that you enjoy, like trimming the rosebush and putting together a bouquet for your office or kitchen.
- Soak in the tub. If you’re a parent, make sure another adult is on duty so no one’s going to yell “Mom!” Plan so you’ll have some fabulous bath goodies on hand. Don’t forget a glass of ice water or wine.
- Sit on the porch with a cup of coffee. Just watch the clouds go by. No phone or calendar allowed.
- Call a friend to chat. This doesn’t mean planning the bake sale or organizing the neighborhood watch — just talk, without an agenda.
- Move your body! Get up from your desk, stretch, and walk around the block or up and down a flight of stairs.
- Breathe deeply. While you’re sitting in your office, car, or home, focus on breathing slowly and gently for 5 minutes. It’s OK if your mind wanders a bit, but don’t start planning what you have to do next — just follow your breath.
- Focus for 5 minutes on cuddling with a cat or dog. You’ll both feel better.
Add your own favorites to these lists. Whatever you choose to do with your “me” time, make it relaxing and restorative.
If you don’t feel like it works for you, try something else. Remember: “should” is the enemy of relaxation. Don’t think about what you “should” do, but about what makes you thrive. “Your quest in life is important, and my purpose is to help you feel fabulous so you can do fabulous things.” – Dr. Roz
